Angst in the time of corona

March 17, 2020

Dear Max and Rebecca

Strange days indeed.

We’re self distancing and isolating, and I can’t remember ever having felt so off kilter. We’re going through a pandemic, and we’re rightfully scared and taking precautions to try and contain/flatten a virus.

My fear is not really about getting sick. My fear is the world. I’m worried about businesses, people and jobs. I worry we will be more broke, more needy, more broken, and more without a compass. I’m worried about when things will work properly again. I’m scared of the current changes. I’m feeling like I’ve lost a footing, and I don’t know when things will be back to “normal” (and let me say that the “normal” before this was pretty abnormal”).

There’s a whole lot of other unknown going on in our lives right now, and this makes me more angsty. There are tough days ahead for us, and hopefully there will be good ones between the empty Woolies shelves, virus stayaways and cancelled races. They’ve cancelled all the marathons and ultra marathons for the next month, including Two Oceans 56km, which would have been my 16th. We’re still waiting to hear on Comrades, but I can’t imagine it will still take place, and even if it does, how will we be able to do it without all these now-cancelled marathons under our belts.

I’m sore for all of this. I still have my incredible running group, but I’m feeling empty without the goals I set out to achieve.

It’s so strange that we’ve gotten to this point so quickly (or were we facing an accident with our eyes wide closed?). It feels like just yesterday I was skipping through Central Park and counting down the sleeps under Comrades, and fetching you from school and planning events. Now we’re shutting ourselves in, cancelling events, cleaning, stockpiling (trying to build up my supply of white Easter eggs and sugar-free tonic, which is much like every year), and waiting for what’s next.

My social-isolation and get-through-this strategies for right now:

  • Carry on running (but stop the Comrades training)
  • Bake more
  • Finish my 1000-piece puzzle
  • Read Facebook less – this is where the panic and information overload live
  • Do nice things at home – reading, series watching, gin tastings (just kidding, or maybe not)
  • Engage more with your guys, and maybe (and I said maybe) do some crafts
  • Practise the smokey eye
  • Keep a gratitude journal – I’m losing sight of the good things, which is a terrible thing

 

Love ya both

Mom

PS: Sorry for not sharing my white Easter eggs

 

Before the Corona shutdown…

 

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