On two of us reaching an eating milestone

January 18, 2017

Dear Rebecca

On the 15th exactly, your four monthversary (yup, made that word up), we started feeding you solids, based on the paed’s recommendation. It’s like you knew exactly what to do – you opened your mouth, took the food, swallowed the food, and opened for more. Repeat.

As I type, your next food of pears is being prepared, and we’re aiming to make as much from scratch as possible. I’m following the same programme as we did with Max, and look how well he turned out – smart, healthy, and often eating ice cream for breakfast and broccoli and tomatoes for supper without much damage.

For Max, there have been no rewards or punishments when it comes to eating, nor barters or bribes. Max has never been made to finish something on his plate to get to the next course, nor has he been denied anything because it’s “bad”. As a result, Max will choose fruit kebabs and carrots and tomatoes from the adult’s table at parties, while often not giving the kids’ table a second look.

I’m hoping this practice works with you, and that, like Max, you know exactly what you feel like and when, and you know when to put down the spoon or when to ask for more. I think a lot of kids don’t know this because as parents we’re making them eat more, or more of the foods we think are good for them before they can get to dessert etc. We also tell them to finish what’s on their plate, but isn’t this strange? What if they’re not hungry?

I think if I could eat like this I’d have a thigh gap and maybe even be able to wear a vest without the fat on my arms jangling up and down, and from side to side. As I’ve mentioned in previous posts, I often struggle with food and how to keep my mouth shut, and I’ve been wanting to lose weight, well, for like the past few years, but never with great success.

Food is the comfort, the calm, the cool and the cosy in my life, and just over two weeks ago, while shovelling another box (the big box) of caramels down, and shoving the empty box deep in the dustbin, I felt like an addict. And if I’m being honest, I didn’t just shove one box in the trash – I shoved three boxes in there. Just that day.

And that was the low point that kicked me in action. I don’t know if I will remain “clean” from abusive and mindless eating, but it’s a start, and two weeks later, I’m feeling more in control, and less sugared up. It’s a big milestone for me for now. There are times when I want to eat every chocolate slab, every chip and every last Jelly Tot in our local Spar, but sometimes I busy myself instead. Sometimes I feel what I need to feel for that moment instead. And other times I’ll have a small bit of what I’m craving, and that will be enough.

Like an addict’s mantra, of taking each day as it comes, I’m trying to do the same. Have I lost weight with this new approach? Sadly, not a gram. But I’ve lost about 20cm, which is quite cool and yet confusing at the same time – the centimetres have gone, but where have they gone to if the mass is still the same?

There’s so much more to write on this, and so much more for me to process and feel about it. There’s nothing simple about food for most women, but I hope that for as long as possible, for you it will remain as it is now – non-emotional, but nourishing and fuelling. It’s a big ask, and one of the reasons I want to stop mindlessly eating caramels and litchis by the dozenSSSSS is so that you’ll learn a better way of eating by my example. Hopefully. I can try. I’m trying. Day by day.



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