I did something as a mom I *never* thought I would do

October 26, 2016

Dear Max and Rebecca

My take on dummies has always pretty much been: “It’s great for others, but not for us”. Though, I must say that it was great for me growing up, so much so that I think I only gave mine up when I was around four. I’m not sure how much I used it, but I do remember my parents trying to urge me to quit, which I didn’t pay much attention until I was ready. Much like quitting smoking many years later, it had to be on my terms, and according to my own timing.

Max, before you were born, I stocked up on one dummy, and in the hospital a day or two after your birth, I popped it into your mouth for a few second, you pushed it out, and I thought “He has no need for this – woohoo!”. And you never showed a need/want for it later on either. You self soothed, you hardly had niggly moments aside from that “suicide hour” at around 5pm every day for the first few weeks, when playing Cypress Hill calmed you sufficiently.

I know there’s a strong argument for dummies. And I know how well it works for many parents and infants and kids. My aversion to them lies in my worry that my child will become overly dependent on it, that it gives me another reason to wake up at 2am when the dummy falls out, and how it might be a “silencer” of communication – now and later on.

But sometimes foes become your friends, which I discovered the other afternoon. This is what happened:

Rebecca, you were niggly and irritable, and nothing could ease it – not the milk, not the rocking, not the cot. You had had one or two afternoons like this before, and it similar to Max’s “suicide hour” from back in the day, except for longer. And then you grabbed my thumb and started sucking on it. I realised you weren’t looking for food, but rather comfort, and since there’s only so much comfort Cypress Hill music can offer, I popped a dummy into your mouth.

And you starting sucking it, and you reminded me of Maggie Simpson.


I put you in your cot – settled, content, and sucking ferociously. And about an hour later, you woke from your nap, wanting to feed.

Since then, we’ve been using the dummies for afternoon usage for now, as you don’t seem to need them any other time. I even had to buy more of these…


This has not only been a reminder of how doing things that work is the only way, and that sometimes, it’s necessary to forego on what you thought was right for you, and replace it with something that’s right for your child.

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Yours in dummies,


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  • Adina

    I love your new blog, Dear Max and Rebecca. Just gorgeous. Your little Rebecca looks so cute with her dummy it almost makes me broody. Maya loved her dummy and she gave it up when she was ready, just before she turned four. I also thought I would never use them but I came to realise that nothing turns out the way you expected with babies. Adam rejected dummies even though we tried and tried…..

    October 26, 2016 at 10:14 am Reply
    • Tanya Kovarsky

      So true. Nothing turns out as we expect it too. Especially the bikini body I envisaged just after giving birth 🙂

      October 26, 2016 at 9:47 pm Reply
  • MrsFF

    I didn’t use them for the same reason as you overdependence and thoughts of a child waking up at night to look for the dummy. Luckily my K didn’t need it, few times I tried to get her to use it, she sucked for a few seconds and when she realized there was no milk coming out of the dummy she spat it out. BUT as with all things I’ve learnt to never say never because you never know

    October 26, 2016 at 9:42 pm Reply
    • Tanya Kovarsky

      The “never say never” thing applies forever when it comes to parenting, I think

      October 26, 2016 at 9:48 pm Reply
  • Heather

    We didn’t really use a dummy much (I think he just used my boob as comfort) but I have to say I guess you can’t be set in your ways as what works for one may not work for another…

    October 27, 2016 at 9:44 pm Reply
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