What do I call this blog now?

April 12, 2016

Dear Max

With you, before the two lines on the pregnancy test, and the blood test, I *knew* I was pregnant when I felt a slight twinge on my lower right side, and the cat slept on that side of my stomach the whole night before the test. It was a feeling. After then, my pregnancy symptoms came swiftly and with strength – my aversion to coffee, many fragrances and diet drinks, and nausea and dizziness that weren’t exactly debilitating, but unpleasant. Through saying they were unpleasant isn’t really the truth – they were amazing symptoms of something that I wanted for so long, and that yielded you.

With your sibling, I kinda *knew*, when, on the way out one night, I felt nauseous in the passenger site and had to stick my head out the window to ease the discomfort. My perfume, which that morning had been fragrant, was repulsive, and these deja vu symptoms alerted me that maybe I was pregnant. The next morning, I suddenly craved Milo, something that I had every day during my pregnancy with you. I took a pregnancy test that day and the day after, and got second lines so faint I thought that my eye was seeing what my heart wanted, and that maybe I had created these symptoms.

The next day, I got a very strong positive on a digital result, and it all made sense. Three days and many nauseous moments later, my boobs shot out (or down) and the heaviness I’m feeling there is balanced by the lightness I’m feeling in mood and spirit. I hadn’t been trying for that long, and I wasn’t sure my body would get it right. But it did. And I’m grateful, overwhelmed, excited and happy.

With you, I found out I was pregnant a day before my birthday, and this time I found out a week before. I feel twinges all the time, and I’m imagining your sibling growing, developing, burrowing. At this time of writing, I’m shy of five weeks (I’m now 15 weeks and in a bit of a safer space to share news), and I’ve only told very few people. Our first scan is a week and a half, and I remember the panic, excitement and anxiety from each week or milestone to the next. It’s a time of ticking boxes of me, and that terrifying process of not really ever knowing that all will be okay.

When I was pregnant with you I wrote a journal about what I was feeling and going through. It was before this blog, and wasn’t necessarily addressed to you, but one day I’ll probably share it with you.

This seems like the obvious place to journal the journey, but probably not in a “I’m nauseous” or “It’s tough choosing a pram” way. I’m not sure how to continue on this space, and whether Dear Max needs to take another form, but these are just fun things to consider though I would like to prevent any future or potential veribels (squabbles in Yiddish).

Like with you, I feel a strong soul this time too, and it just feels like a girl. Β The other day I asked you if you wanted a brother or sister, to which you replied you already had brothers (Avile, Sbonga and Amahle). I then asked if you wanted a “real” brother or sister from my tummy, and you said yes, and that you preferred a sister.

Hoping and praying that you get to be a big brother to a healthy sister (or brother, though I’m pretty sure she’s a she).


PS: It’s a girl!

Screen Shot 2016-04-12 at 9.04.44 AM

Feature image: Robyn Davey Photography

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  • Sharon

    How incredibly exciting! I am so happy for you Tanya! And yay for little girls… sugar and spice and all things nice.
    Wishing you a safe & joyful pregnant!

    April 12, 2016 at 9:18 am Reply
    • Tanya Kovarsky

      Thank you so so much – I appreciate the wishes x

      April 12, 2016 at 9:27 am Reply
  • Lee Greenblatt

    OMW – Mazal Tov – what amazing news and so exciting for you all.
    Aaron has gotten off asking for a tummy brother or Sister and now he wants a puppy πŸ˜‰

    April 12, 2016 at 9:21 am Reply
    • Tanya Kovarsky

      I hope you can provide one of them? πŸ™‚

      April 12, 2016 at 9:27 am Reply
  • MeeA

    I’m so excited for you all! πŸ™‚

    April 12, 2016 at 9:29 am Reply
    • Tanya Kovarsky

      THank you so much! Slowly catching up to you – lol!

      April 12, 2016 at 9:32 am Reply
  • catjuggles

    Huge huge congratulations to you all! I just know Max is going to love her to bits.

    April 12, 2016 at 9:41 am Reply
  • Daryl Faure

    I will miss seeing you on the road at Comrades, but what a wonderful reason to be skipping it this year. Very happy for you and will be following your pregnancy with much interest.

    April 12, 2016 at 9:44 am Reply
  • Alison

    A very, very big congrats on the most wonderful news. All teared up on this side. Girls are wonderful. You are blessed to be having a pigeon pair – I have one of each and feel like the richest mommy.
    PS – girls also don’t pee in your eyes on a regular basis – they just let it seep into the changing mat. πŸ˜‰

    April 12, 2016 at 9:51 am Reply
    • Tanya Kovarsky

      Thanks so much – I appreciate the wishes.

      April 12, 2016 at 10:01 am Reply
  • cupcake

    Oh this is so exciting for your!
    Congrats Tanya, wishing you a happy and safe pregnancy and all things from there on as well. Mazel Tov!

    April 12, 2016 at 9:56 am Reply
    • Tanya Kovarsky

      Thank you so much – really appreciate it x

      April 12, 2016 at 10:01 am Reply
  • Jeanette

    This is such awesome news πŸ™‚
    So very happy for you all!

    April 12, 2016 at 10:03 am Reply
    • Tanya Kovarsky

      Thanks Jeanette πŸ™‚

      April 12, 2016 at 11:29 am Reply
  • Kathryn

    How awesome Tanya. Congrats!!

    April 12, 2016 at 10:54 am Reply
    • Tanya Kovarsky

      Thanks Kathryn πŸ™‚

      April 12, 2016 at 11:28 am Reply
  • Tameron Carneson

    I craved Milo during both my pregnancies too! Gosh, what a special and miraculous time. So very happy for you!! xx

    April 12, 2016 at 11:27 am Reply
    • Tanya Kovarsky

      Thanks so much Tam! Nowadays I can’t really stomach Milo as it reminds me of a very nauseous first trimester… πŸ™‚

      April 12, 2016 at 11:29 am Reply
  • Cassidy Taylor-Memmory

    This post is so beautiful Tanya! Congrats again!

    April 12, 2016 at 11:27 am Reply
    • Tanya Kovarsky

      Thanks so so much x

      April 12, 2016 at 11:28 am Reply
  • Chereen

    Ah, this post totally brought tears to my eyes… I’m such a cryer! Hehe. Love how you somehow just *knew* it was a girl, and bam! Ten weeks later, confirmed. How very special for you and your family, and most especially for Max! Lucky little girl to have a big brother like him!

    Looking forward to reading more about your pregnancy as it progresses, and to welcoming your little girl to the world. Such an exciting time! (And I hate that you’re making me broody right now!)

    April 12, 2016 at 12:36 pm Reply
    • Tanya Kovarsky

      Thank you for the amazing message, and go on – have another πŸ™‚

      April 12, 2016 at 12:42 pm Reply
  • Nicola

    Congrats! Such exciting news and I’m sure Max will make an amazing big brother πŸ™‚

    April 12, 2016 at 12:37 pm Reply
    • Tanya Kovarsky

      Thanks so much Nicola πŸ™‚

      April 12, 2016 at 12:41 pm Reply
  • Cassey

    Woo hoo for happy exciting moments πŸ˜€

    April 12, 2016 at 7:21 pm Reply
    • Tanya Kovarsky

      Thanks so much!

      April 12, 2016 at 10:05 pm Reply
  • Heather

    Congratulations Tanya! Maybe you can call the blog “Dear Max and….” and let it be letters to both of them?

    April 12, 2016 at 9:26 pm Reply
    • Tanya Kovarsky

      Thank you so much. Yup, will see. Not the hardest decision, but still fun πŸ™‚

      April 12, 2016 at 10:06 pm Reply
  • Wenchy

    Mazeltov! What wonderful news!

    April 13, 2016 at 12:20 am Reply
  • stephanie videira

    oh wonderful news congrats

    April 16, 2016 at 12:14 am Reply
    • Tanya Kovarsky

      Thank you so so much πŸ™‚

      April 19, 2016 at 9:39 am Reply
  • Sam

    Finally getting around to reading blogs and glad that it’s all out in the open now! How wonderful that you just knew she was a girl πŸ™‚ I was in serious girl denial (even tho I secretly *really* wanted a girl)

    Life is about to get real interesting!


    April 18, 2016 at 11:08 am Reply
    • Tanya Kovarsky

      Me too – glad it’s out! Now I can explain my expanding waistline πŸ™‚

      April 19, 2016 at 9:40 am Reply
  • Charlie's Bird

    Wonderful! Oh, enjoy all these moments, the planning, the dreaming, the love!

    April 18, 2016 at 1:27 pm Reply
    • Tanya Kovarsky

      Thanks so so much!

      April 19, 2016 at 9:40 am Reply
  • Alet

    How did I miss it? Congratulations!!

    April 19, 2016 at 10:07 am Reply
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