I wish you knew your granny when…

March 25, 2015

Dear Max

You’ve pretty much only known my mom and your granny Lorna as someone “old”, someone who doesn’t always make sense, someone who often can’t hear what you’re telling her, and someone who has never been able to do the typical granny-grandchild thing with you.

I don’t want to lament here about how unfair life sometimes seems, or how we “lost” an amazing woman to a brain tumour, and then the effects of radiation, brain atrophy, which is slowly and sometimes rapidly killing her cognitive and physical capacities. Granted, we still have granny, but she has lost so much of what made her awesome, sharp, funny and caring, and for that I’m sad for both of us.

I wish you knew your granny when she could talk to everyone, make them laugh, and endear everyone to her. She was that person who spoke to everyone, and as irritating as it was as a child to try and pull her away from shopkeepers, friends’ moms and strangers to get home or to the next arrangement, I realise it was a gift she had – making people laugh, and making them feel awesome.

I wish you knew your granny when her capacity to love and care exceeded anything I’ve ever known. When she used to make me the best hot Milo ever, tuck me in, and tell me she loved me, and that she would harm anyone who ever tried to hurt me. She was the type of parent who could never practise tough love with my brother who might have needed it at the time – she simply couldn’t forsake him, let him go, or stop forgiving him.

I wish you knew your granny’s sense of humour. She was always the fun parent, and when we were young, all the kids and their parents loved her for being funny, and a little different to everyone else, which sometimes felt weird when I just wanted to be the same as everyone else, but in hindsight was a gift.

I wish you knew your granny’s kindness and empathy, and her love for everything Italian (she used to drive an Alfa Romeo that kept on breaking down, even during liftscheme rides, but she remained loyal and still loved it). She had a gift for languages, and I learnt every meaningful Italian swear word while driving with her and being witness to some bad drivers.

I wish you knew your granny’s strength, both physical and emotional, for the ops, tests, falls, procedures and more ops. She seldom complained, and always stoically went through the motions.

I wish you knew your granny like I did.


Screen Shot 2015-03-20 at 10.37.21 PM

One of my best pics ever – circa 1970 something


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  • Andrea

    What a special tribute to an obviously amazing woman x

    March 25, 2015 at 10:21 am Reply
  • Alison

    Beautiful piece. Its heartbreaking that often our children don’t get to know our parents as the healthy, younger versions we grew up with. xxx (PS the 1970’s pic I first thought was the present one – you look so much like your mum.)

    March 25, 2015 at 10:37 am Reply
  • Sam

    You are the spitting image of your Mom T, so gorgeous! I wish my kids got to know my Dad, but he died before they were conceived even… it’s hard but also a part of life unfortunately. I am glad that Max at least got to know a part of your mom.


    March 25, 2015 at 12:06 pm Reply
  • Sharon

    P.S. I can’t believe how much you look like your mom!

    March 25, 2015 at 12:56 pm Reply
  • Lee

    Wow, Tanya, you are the spitting image of your mom – Beautiful

    March 25, 2015 at 1:43 pm Reply
  • shane bunyan

    nice photos Thanks its nice to know how max and you are going.

    March 26, 2015 at 3:01 am Reply
  • SheBee

    Oh man, I’m not sure if it’s the pregnancy hormones or the fact that I’ve had something a little more bitter, but similiar in mind for a blog post that has me absolutely howling at my computer reading this.

    So beautifully written.

    I wish he’d known your mom too xx

    March 31, 2015 at 1:10 pm Reply
    • Tanya Kovarsky

      Aaaw, thank you for reading hun, and sorry for the tears (though sometimes they’re really healing)

      March 31, 2015 at 1:59 pm Reply

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