Dear Max

It’s weird that I’ve had this blog post brewing in my head and heart for the last two days, and that hours before I started writing about your independence and less of a “need” for me, you started swimming on your own, without armbands or a noodle. It confirmed that you’re growing up, and it’s not like I’m not aware of it, or resisting it, but it makes me ponder (and fear) how far you’re swimming away from me.

You’re needing less from me these days – you’re more capable of doing things yourself, and while you’ve never been a needy child, you’re even less so, and sometimes I forget that you’re just five years old.

As parents, we want our children to be independent and strong, and I wouldn’t want anything less for you. When you were a baby, it frightened me how dependent you were, and how you needed an adult or me for everything. Now, it frightens me that one day you’ll be asking me to drop you off round the corner from school (I still think we’re far from that stage), that kissing or hugging me won’t be cool, and that your independence and ability to sort things out for yourself will override me.

Again, I will never hold you back, or stop you from relying on yourself the most. We have always encouraged you to use your “think melon” (brain) to try figure things out yourself, and sort things out as best you can, until you need someone. But you’re leaving my hold, and my grip is getting looser as you get older and more able.

I will support every stride you take, and I will be here with open hands for whatever you need. Even if it’s round the corner from school dropoff, or at home with big hugs when no one is looking.

Well done on the swimming, my little big dude!

xMom

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