A post about friendships – new, old, gone and emerging

January 25, 2014

Dear Max

You know your life has done a turnaround or a shift when you invite gal friends to your birthday drinks, and they’re not only new to your guestlist but new to your life. And while they might be new, it feels like they have been wrapping you tight forever, and have your back much firmer than the people you thought did.

A few weeks ago something happened that not only showed me the kindness and support of “strangers”, but made me realise that some of the “friends” I’ve considered as such are not really so, while others are there merely there for history or habit.

There are lines in Ecclesiastes 3 that speak of there being a time for everything, and they are quite beautiful. Two of them read:

“A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;

A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away”

And that’s the way it is with friendships. There are phases for some friends – people come, they fill, they give, they take, and some stay for long, while others fleet. Some take your shit, others walk away.

I guess we all wish to free ourselves of toxicity, negativity and one-sided relationships, and the older I get, the safer I feel to let it all go. Passive aggressive? Betrayal? Not having my back? Talking behind my back? Stabbing me in the back? No time? I’m trying to rid myself of it all. And the best part is that I’m learning to be a better friend because I have good people around me.

Max, I hope you have a life full of varied friends who make you grow, and make your days. They will add so much richness and awesomeness to your life, and as life’s lessons go, a lot of heartache and woe too. Know when to keep and when to let go, and know who has your back, and who doesn’t. And know that sometimes friendships will often sprout from the least expected – and most surprising – sources.

As with

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  • Phumeza

    Love, Light and Strength to you…always

    January 29, 2014 at 10:19 am Reply
    • Tanya Kovarsky

      Thank you! xx

      January 29, 2014 at 11:02 am Reply
  • Chereen

    I needed to read these words today. Thank you, T! Sending love x

    January 29, 2014 at 11:01 am Reply
    • Tanya Kovarsky

      Ah, thank you! Love to you too. I would still looooove to catch up one day!

      January 29, 2014 at 11:03 am Reply
  • Leanne Rees

    Tanya, I really loved this post and the words from Ecclesiastes. It is so difficult to truly open one’s eyes and be aware of what the people in your life can be doing to your sense of self. I think friends have a way of being able to bring the most hurt and also the most healing to a person’s life. Good on you for casting away those that brought you harm in any way shape or form, it can be a very difficult process but a much needed one. Here’s to more unexpected and good surprises!

    February 8, 2014 at 12:19 pm Reply
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