So since my last post, things are better – Granny is showing signs of improvement (she’s moved out of ICU), and since Uncle Kevin arrived, she seems to have shifted – I’ve seen moments where she’s been awake, recognised us, and spoken (her speech is slurred though). Her scans show signs of mini strokes, and a new brain tumour.
I have flitted between despair and hope, and I’m quite scared to be in either of these places, to be honest. Having Kevin and Casey here has helped me immensely (they have bought me a few whiskeys over the last few days), and I’m getting apprehensive for when they go.
I’m pretty tired at the moment (not looking so pretty with huge rings under the eyes), and today I’ve felt quite incapacitated and a bit ill. We’re laying low, cuddling, reading and chatting. You’re also off to Cape Town on Tuesday for a week to see your aunt and uncle from Canada, and I’m mixed. It gives me more energy to tend to my mom, but a chunk of my heart always feels absent when we’re away from each other.
You seem to be in a great space these days – lots of chatting, asking and joking. Today you very seriously told me to chew gum with my mouth closed, and gave me a spontaneous – and I swear, unprompted – hug and kiss, and told me you loved me. How is it that you know exactly when I’m needing it?
Thanks for being you,
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