One of those things that the parenting books aren’t telling me

July 5, 2012

Dear Max

A few days ago I took you to Little Champs (ball and play activities). I was so excited by your first formal play group, and I was planning to be like a soccer mom on the sidelines, watching you from beneath my Tom Ford sunnies, while Instagramming and Tweeting your achievements.

The only action that really happened however was a lot of tears and a reluctance to take part, and instead of me Tweeting about your hops, skips and jumps, I was Whatsapping your dad asking him what I should do – watch the class, go home and play with your fave trucks and diggers, or book an assessment with the child psychologist because of your unwillingness to take part in some “group” stuff.

And I don’t know the answer. And while part of me wants to seek help, another part is saying that I can’t force you into doing what you don’t want to do. And I shudder thinking back to when I was made to do things I hated at school (cross country and swimming galas, for example), but I also know how important a little push and encouragement are.

So here’s the thing: do we let you do your thang (playing with trucks, running around, playing in sandpits, reading, and playing on the iPad etc), or do we encourage you to be like most of the others, playing ball and taking part in group activities? Do we celebrate you as you are, and accept your preferences now, or are we stunting you by not pushing you screaming and crying into music classes and ball activities?

I can see you’re not a follower and enjoy your own company, and that you’re happy, healthy and kind – is that enough? I don’t know. We’ll see how it plays out (get it?), continue chatting to your teacher, and do the best we think at the time. Once again, I hope it’s enough…

And in other news, here are some pics taken at Sci-Bono. That’s you playing and having fun. Marching to the tune of your own wheelbarrow. And drum.



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  • Sue Stuart

    Max is getting more and more gorgeous as time goes by 🙂

    July 5, 2012 at 9:05 am Reply
    • Tanya Kovarsky

      Aaaw thanks! And Katy? And that hair. She is too gorgeous!

      July 5, 2012 at 2:37 pm Reply
  • Karen at MomAgain@40

    I have seen with Mieka at our weekly gymnastics activity that all the children go through phases. Sometimes they take part for the whole activity, and sometimes they just refuse for the day… It is best to let them take part willingly. They will actually do some of the activities that they refused to do at home, or next week week they will be willing to take part.
    I would try another lesson, and if it does not go well, wait for a couple of months before you try again with Max!

    Definitely need to go and check out Sci-Bono!

    July 5, 2012 at 11:47 am Reply
    • Tanya Kovarsky

      Thanks a mil for the advice, and yes, Sci-Bono is a must!

      July 5, 2012 at 2:36 pm Reply
  • TJ

    I found that with my son it helps to give him a gentle push otherwise he’ll just refuse everything that he doesn’t know. I spent his first horse riding lesson just feeding and rubbing the horse and playing with stones. The following week he rode. Then he hit a patch and refused to get back on, so I got on with him – showing him it’s OK to do so and that was 3 weeks of sharing horse back and now he’s happy to ride alone again.

    New experiences can be daunting and a little encouragement goes a long way. They will still have off days, but for the most part it should all work out well.

    July 8, 2012 at 4:25 pm Reply
    • Tanya Kovarsky

      Thank you for sharing! Good to know, thank you 🙂

      July 8, 2012 at 4:29 pm Reply
  • Denita

    It may also just be his age (the non-compliance phase!)… my son was not so keen to do stuff by himself a year ago, and now he loves things like playball (He will be 4 in September). Although he still has his moments, and will say he doesn’t want to go, and then ends up having fun after all. Hang in there x

    July 10, 2012 at 10:16 am Reply
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