“I can’t believe I did that” – Part two

June 14, 2012

Dear Max

This week I published a post on Rattle and Mum by a writer and comedian, on the weird things he never thought he’d do as a parent. A few moms added to the list, and it’s really too good not to add on here. Here’s the list from Jason Good that appeared in Huffington Post about some of the things parents might find themselves doing in the first five years. And then there’s my list following it.

  1. Butter a piece of toast while peeing
  2. Brush someone’s teeth against their will.
  3. Blow on food while it’s in someone else’s mouth.
  4. Help someone else blow on food while it’s in someone else’s mouth.
  5. Eat food that’s fallen out of someone else’s mouth.
  6. Eat food you found on the floor.
  7. Eat food you found on the mantle.
  8. Eat candy you found in a shoe.
  9. Visit a psychiatrist.
  10. Wipe somebody’s nose with your bare hand.
  11. Let somebody barf in your bare hand.
  12. Eat baby food.
  13. Blame a fart on a child.
  14. Blame a child’s fart on your spouse.
  15. Get someone dressed while you’re in the shower.
  16. Pass out from blowing up a kiddie pool.
  17. Cut up a grape.
  18. Almost agree to cut up a raisin.
  19. Pretend to enjoy the flavor of a prune.
  20. Ask someone why their hair smells like Gogurt.
  21. Ask someone why their hair smells like your antiperspirant.
  22. Put someone else’s toenail clippings in your pocket.
  23. Let someone watch you crap while they stare blankly eating a popsicle.
  24. Have someone think you’re amazing at frisbee.


  1. Have your child think that every model looks like you (“Look, eet’s mommy”)
  2. Scoop out poo in the bath with a plastic spade
  3. Change a nappy with one hand
  4. Catch vomit with your hands
  5. Find a used wipe in your handbag
  6. Re-use the used wipe
  7. Loudly ask “Did you make a poo” in the shopping centre
  8. Not realise that you have milk and vomit stains on your work clothes
  9. Sing the theme songs of Barney and Shaun the Sheep, even when your kids aren’t around
  10. Pass a new rule – from the five-second one to the five-hour one
  11. Eat the cupcake even after your child has licked off all the icing
  12. Tell “lies” like the car is sleeping, the park is closed, and the shop is closed, even though the doors are open

What would you add?

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  • karen

    brilliant. i can honestly say i dont think there is one thing i could take off that list. its not even 10am and i think i can already cross out half the things on the list i have already done.

    think i”ll go watch a pvr’d episode of shaun the sheep now ….

    June 14, 2012 at 9:18 am Reply
    • Tanya Kovarsky

      Can’t have enough Shaun the Sheep! 🙂

      June 14, 2012 at 2:22 pm Reply
  • Sharon

    My most cringe worthy one would have to be the time I caught a poo as it was coming out of my daughters bum as her daddy picked her up to carry her to the bath!
    The things we do!

    June 14, 2012 at 10:24 am Reply
    • Tanya Kovarsky

      Haha! Holy crap! 🙂

      June 14, 2012 at 2:23 pm Reply
  • Kim Muller

    Stick my toddlers hand into my mouth to “clean” it because I didn’t have a wetwipe nearby. Never, ever thought I would do that.

    June 15, 2012 at 9:11 am Reply
  • Denita

    I had the, um, priviledge of catching vomit with my hands in the chemist on Monday. Alex had a HUGE temperature after seeing the doc, so I thought I would kick start the healing process by giving him his meds in the chemist as we got them. Bad idea, as fast as it went down, it came up, and I had no choice but to catch it. Yuck.

    June 20, 2012 at 11:36 am Reply
  • Pamela

    As I was sitting on the loo the other day with my 2 year old on my lap…… I thought to myself, “This is one of the things I never thought I’d do.”

    July 6, 2012 at 2:22 pm Reply
    • Tanya Kovarsky

      Haha! I hear ya…

      July 8, 2012 at 4:30 pm Reply
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