We are family

February 24, 2011

Dear Max

Along with so much of the guilt and worry I go through as a mom, one of my biggest sadnesses is that you don’t have a big family of doting people to envelop you in hugs, love and chocolate treats. You do have rad aunts and uncles, many of whom don’t live in SA or aren’t even of legal age yet, and you pretty much only have one grandparent who can not only babysit (and does babysit), but who can be a role model and functional family member.

I grew up going to my granny and grandpa, and granny and aunts every respective weekend, and I was all the better for it. I got treats, I got love, I got stimulation and I got to have fun away from home. And some of my favourite memories are made up of those relationships – of park visits, of bedtime stories, of Marmite toast, of devoted and unconditional love.

I wish you had that, and I often feel kak that you are not surrounded by it more often here, and that we don’t have a huge support system here to add value to your life. But I swear Max, we will make up for it and are making up that love tenfold, and are filling whatever void there might be with our own hearts and energy. And down the line, I’m sure more people, friends and pets will come into your life to contribute love, fun and visits to the zoo.

I look forward to cultivating our own definition of family, and to give you more and more. I hope it’s enough…

Love you so much

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  • Jeanette

    I’m so so grateful that my parents live so close to me… and I’m dreading the day that they move

    February 24, 2011 at 11:27 am Reply
  • Tiffany

    Well, we have wonderful grandparents nearby – but all of our siblings (my two sisters and Dan’s only brother) are far, far away. So, how bout this: I’ll be the SA-based ‘auntie’ of legal age for Max and you can be a pseudo-sibling ‘auntie’ for Thumper? You can also borrow my mom anytime – she’s rad. And a kiddy whisperer…

    February 24, 2011 at 11:32 am Reply
    • Tanya Kovarsky

      Thanks for the offer of the loan of your mom… can she bake and cook too? 🙂
      Perhaps we can make a shidach for Max and Thumper?

      February 24, 2011 at 2:46 pm Reply
  • Sharon

    I so relate to this! I also feel tremendous guilt that Ava is somehow missing out given that we are such a small family and spread out all over the country and the world. These feelings have been compounded by our decision to emigrate but its also a contributing factor to us deciding to try and adopt again.

    February 24, 2011 at 11:32 am Reply
  • lee@wallies.co.za

    Wow, that rings so true with our family.
    My hubby’s parents are much older and live in PE, and unfortunately my mom passed away a month before Aaron was born.
    My dad is awesome with him and Aaron loves his “Gump”, but from a baby sitting point of view we are also often stuck though never ever with rtegrets.
    It has taught me that a basic support structure is so important even if it is just from friends. But your main support system is your own basic family unit.

    February 24, 2011 at 11:39 am Reply
  • NickiD

    I feel exactly the same Tan … but SO glad to be growing my own little family even more. Having good (no, GREAT) friends also really helps … but my heart always breaks a little when I see a Granny holding her grandchild. Or pics of my Dad, holding his wife’s grandchildren … 🙁

    February 24, 2011 at 11:47 am Reply
  • Hayley

    I think a lot of SA families feel like this. My husbands family live abroad and I can see how it tears him apart…and one day when we have kids, I think we will feel it even more.

    I am SO grateful to have my family close by…something I have grown to appreciate over the past few years.

    February 24, 2011 at 3:14 pm Reply
  • suestuart

    Its so sad that our global village has caused this, my parents and sister are in the uk with the only cousin close to Katy’s age. Although hubby’s family are here, all the cousins are already teenagers and unfortunately there are family issues that mean Katy will probably never be close to all of them 🙁

    February 24, 2011 at 5:49 pm Reply
  • samcy

    It”s a tough one – our direct families are also small with only 1 set of siblings for each of us… BUT I have a large extended family of cousins who I’m sure will happily step in to be that well of love and hugs you crave for Max… that being said T – he sure doesn’t look any worse for ware due to the lack you see – in fact he looks pretty darn well adjusted and happy.


    February 25, 2011 at 2:50 pm Reply
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