Things they don’t teach you at antenatal classes

February 11, 2011

Dear Max

I’d love to run courses/write a book/scream from the rooftops about what happens when you have a baby, ie The Truth that no one really tells you. And I realise why no one tells you these things – who wants to hear about sleep deprivation, hours of angst, and weird body changes when you’re just picturing baby bliss? In fact, I’m sure some people tried to tell me that things would change and that I’d lose sleep, but I used to just roll my eyes in that “whatever” way.

So if I were to compile a little list of major changes once you have a baby, that no one tells you about, it would look something like this…

– Your sleep suffers
– You sometimes think you’re the worst mom in the world
– Your body never really goes back to its original shape or form
– Your marriage is tested
– Your self-esteem is challenged
– You battle to figure out your identity (mom/wife/woman/worker/person)
– Your time is challenged
– Your stress levels shoot up
– You question yourself and what you’re doing over and over again
– You cry. A lot.

What my list would also say, is the following:
– You will love in an enormous way.
– You’ll be prepared to do anything for your child
– Seeing your child in a happy moment or space makes your life meaningful, and pretty much rocks your world
– Your child will pretty much make up for all the crappy moments and people out there

So while it might have helped to know that things would sometimes be shaky, and that I’d have permanent dark rings under my eyes, the love is everything. Absolutely everything. And that’s an important message worth shouting from the rooftops.

Thank you for it.

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  • Sharon

    I LOVE this post!
    But I’d have to disagree on one point… IMHO… its not that nobody ever tells us about how tough some of the bad stuff will be, its more a matter of we can never imagine just how tough that bad stuff will be or that we choose to believe we’ll be super mom and it will be a cake walk for us with our super mom powers.
    For eg: and I cringe when I recall this but in my life prior to Ava now known as LPTA – I used to liken caring for my sick dogs at night to having a child. Then I had a child and then I learned, caring for a healthy child, in the middle of the night is about 10 million times harder than caring for a sick dog in the middle of the night.
    There are a lot of preconceived notions about parenting in LPTA that make me blush and cringe. But then I was warned in LPTA but I just could not imagine or would not listen to it all.

    But I do agree, seeing my child in a moment of happiness compares with nothing. There is no greater feeling on the inside.
    And the thing that surprised me the most… I never knew in LPTA that having a child would stir something to primal and so violent so deep inside me that I have no doubt, should someone ever try to harm my child, this primal, violent creature will burst fourth from deep inside me and I will be able to rip said bad person into a million little bloody pieces with my bare hands!

    February 11, 2011 at 11:02 am Reply
    • Tanya Kovarsky

      I hear you! Loud and clear…
      Thank heavens for my friends in the computer, otherwise I’d feel completely abnormal.

      February 11, 2011 at 2:17 pm Reply
  • Tiffany

    Such good timing for me. Tks.


    February 11, 2011 at 11:54 am Reply
  • NickiD

    The biggest and best love of all. Love this post!

    February 11, 2011 at 12:47 pm Reply
  • tolovebella

    Even though I did not carry my beautiful little girl, I can relate to the bulk of your first list – most especially the sleep thing. Gosh. It really is quite something!
    As for your second list.. well, I am 1001% with you on every single word!!

    February 11, 2011 at 1:15 pm Reply
  • samcy

    Awesome post! I cannot wait for that love (which I’ve already started feeling bursting at the seams) to explode when I meet my guy.


    February 11, 2011 at 1:52 pm Reply
    • Tanya Kovarsky

      I can’t wait for you to meet your little guy either… ๐Ÿ™‚

      Hope I haven’t completely freaked you out, but it’s *good* to know (I think?)

      February 11, 2011 at 2:15 pm Reply

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