Sometimes it feels like I’m losing you

November 14, 2014

Dear Max

It’s weird that I’ve had this blog post brewing in my head and heart for the last two days, and that hours before I started writing about your independence and less of a “need” for me, you started swimming on your own, without armbands or a noodle. It confirmed that you’re growing up, and it’s not like I’m not aware of it, or resisting it, but it makes me ponder (and fear) how far you’re swimming away from me.

You’re needing less from me these days – you’re more capable of doing things yourself, and while you’ve never been a needy child, you’re even less so, and sometimes I forget that you’re just five years old.

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As parents, we want our children to be independent and strong, and I wouldn’t want anything less for you. When you were a baby, it frightened me how dependent you were, and how you needed an adult or me for everything. Now, it frightens me that one day you’ll be asking me to drop you off round the corner from school (I still think we’re far from that stage), that kissing or hugging me won’t be cool, and that your independence and ability to sort things out for yourself will override me.

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Again, I will never hold you back, or stop you from relying on yourself the most. We have always encouraged you to use your “think melon” (brain) to try figure things out yourself, and sort things out as best you can, until you need someone. But you’re leaving my hold, and my grip is getting looser as you get older and more able.

I will support every stride you take, and I will be here with open hands for whatever you need. Even if it’s round the corner from school dropoff, or at home with big hugs when no one is looking.

Well done on the swimming, my little big dude!

xMom

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9 Comments

  • MeeA Parkins

    Awww. “Think melon”. Love it!

    November 14, 2014 at 10:12 am Reply
    • Tanya Kovarsky

      I think it comes from one of the Madagascar episodes, or Penguins of Madagascar 🙂

      November 14, 2014 at 6:03 pm Reply
  • cat@jugglingact

    Oth boy , this growing up stuff is both awesome and scary

    November 14, 2014 at 10:20 am Reply
    • Tanya Kovarsky

      Absolutely!

      November 14, 2014 at 6:02 pm Reply
  • Tamra

    This made me all tearful. Bittersweet moments… What parenting is all about. xx

    November 14, 2014 at 1:12 pm Reply
    • Tanya Kovarsky

      So true. Happiness and a bit of sadness

      November 14, 2014 at 6:02 pm Reply
  • Mrs FF

    It is, it feels like they grow too fast, and it is always bittersweet

    November 14, 2014 at 8:40 pm Reply
  • Mrs FF

    Love all the pictures in this post and the header! I’m obsessed with sunsets and sunrise 🙂

    November 14, 2014 at 8:40 pm Reply
  • Heather

    I think this sort of thing will be hard for me too. On the one hand I can’t wait for him to need me less, but in practice I think I will struggle. Love that first pic – I think it says it all.

    November 15, 2014 at 1:24 pm Reply
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