Part two of the sad post

October 16, 2013

Dear Max

So the “good” news is that doctors have found no signs of stroke or bleeding in granny’s brain.

The “bad” news is that at the time of writing, she is not really talking aside from some moaning (I’m assuming it’s a bit of discomfort. Or frustration). And granny looks at me with what appears to be anguish in her eyes. Or pain. Or confusion.

A few months ago, after a very rough time after granny’s fall and hip replacement op, I was going through my not unfamiliar anger, resentment and “why me” feelings. And I realised I had to get my shit together. I felt that she was slipping, and that I needed to make peace with who she was, what she gave me (and didn’t give me), and let go.

And so I did. And I started enjoying time with her a little bit more. And I accepted her. And I stopped resenting what I needed to do for her.

And I’m so glad I did. My regrets are fewer, and my heart has space for more love and acceptance for her.

Truthfully, I think she has slipped beyond grasp now. I hope I’m wrong. And I hope to get more of her in a communicative form. And honestly, I’m not praying for her health – I’m praying for what is best for her, and for what is meant to be. Whatever that is.

xMom

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8 Comments

  • Sian

    Thinking of you. xxxx

    October 16, 2013 at 9:53 am Reply
    • Tanya Kovarsky

      Thanks a mil 🙂

      October 16, 2013 at 6:32 pm Reply
  • shane bunyan

    im so sorry to hear that I hope your managing the struggle and im thinking of you a lot
    shane xx

    October 16, 2013 at 10:04 am Reply
  • Kirsty

    Thinking of you, my friend! Strength and love x

    October 16, 2013 at 12:04 pm Reply
    • Tanya Kovarsky

      Thank you! PS: I need more Patron…

      October 16, 2013 at 6:31 pm Reply
  • Sue Stuart

    Oh Tanya, thinking of you and Max at this very difficult time.

    October 16, 2013 at 6:24 pm Reply
    • Tanya Kovarsky

      Thanks so much – really appreciate it x

      October 16, 2013 at 6:31 pm Reply
  • Elise

    Thinking of you xx
    I have so many memories that always make me smile. Your mom was a big part of my life growing up (you know what I mean). I wish you all strength and love! Keep us updated.

    October 16, 2013 at 7:04 pm Reply
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