A month before your fourth birthday, and I’m none the wiser mother

August 27, 2013
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Dear Max

You’re turning four next month, and this isn’t a post about how sentimental I am, or how four years ago today I was preparing for the biggest change of my life, when I myself was at such a different stage under such different circumstances.

Rather this is a post about how four years into the job, I’m no more an “expert” or sure footed than I was when I started this journey. Just when I think I’ve aced something, or have a routine, lesson or area of discipline sorted, along comes another to show me how little I know, or how much ground there’s still to cover.

You’re not only in the “why” stage, you’re also in the “I don’t wanna” and “No I won’t” phases. And you’re loving your dad. And that makes me so happy caus you guys are tight and adore each other. But there are times when you’d rather have boy hangouts than mom and son time, and while this isn’t a race or competition, and while I’d NEVER make you choose or come to one over the other, I’m missing more of “us” time. A lot.

And I know things pass, and one challenge replaces the next. And that as soon I learn how to answer most of your “why” questions, you’ll be asking “how”.

On another note, I’m excited to be planning your fire engine birthday party. That’s something I do know how to do. Or rather, I know very well how to ask the experts for their help.

Love you dude,

Always learning, Mom

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