I don’t know why, but there’s more “blah” than “aah” right now

February 18, 2013
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Dear Max

I generally keep my sadness, frustration and complaints at bay, and this platform isn’t really about sharing the less-than-stellar emotions I have.

But sometimes I need to vent, show you I’m “human”, and instead of letting the crazy ramblings out there, I’ll let them out here.

The last week has hurt and frustrated me – from the news, to the falling of “heroes”, to frightening rape statistics, to the same disappointments, to small kretins on social media trying to find themselves a big voice.

On the weekend I was ratty, short tempered and hollow, and I couldn’t even put my finger on why exactly, which only worsened things. Usually if I can isolate a “problem” or irritation, I can fairly easily mend or heal it.

I feel like I’m banging my head on a proverbial wall – trying to make sense of things, realising how little I can fix and control the big stuff, and berating myself for even feeling like this when I have *everything*.

And this past weekend, I was so busy banging my head that I missed the opportunity to water the garden with you when you asked with a “please”. And when you asked me to read a book, I said I was too busy. Busy feeling sorry for myself and the world.

I know it will pass, and I know soon the filter on my world view will lighten. For now though, I’m helping myself to a second slice of peanut butter cheesecake, watching Pitch Perfect to lighten my mood, and looking at you to see the good in life.

xMom

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2 Comments

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    February 20, 2013 at 11:19 am Reply
  • Adam

    Hi Tanya – wow you really write beautifully – just saw your blog for the first time -you really hit the spot with your words – that feeling of regret when we realise a missed opportunity with one of our kids. Here’s to putting out closest ones first !

    February 22, 2013 at 5:23 pm Reply
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