I love it when the anxiety is unnecessary

January 7, 2013

Dear Max

Hello from 2013 and this view…

You’re pottering around with your Lego and half watching cartoons, and soon we’ll be off to Kirstenbosch for a concert.

We’re here for your uncle Kevin’s wedding and so far the time here has been busy. Today was the first time in a few days I was able to catch my breath a bit and finish the last 10% of my Kindle book.

To be honest, this trip has been a mix of excitement seeing old faces and having a lot of the family together, and it’s caused a bit of anxiety too. In fact, since the beginning of January my stomach has been a knot of worry and angsting – for the wedding, for work, for some upcoming travel, and for a toothache that I was convinced was four root canals in the making.

I’m not sure if it’s been the expectation of the worst, or just that things have turned out pretty well, but it’s going well. Travel is falling into place, I * only* need a filling, and you’ve settled in well here. I love how you have warmed up to new places, experiences and unfamiliar family, and you’ve been mostly bubbly, active and chatty. We’re also enjoying time with some cool family who live in Cape Town (like your awesome uncles and aunt), and of course loving the city.

Some things are still hitting a nerve but as is my challenge this year, I’m really trying to address them and to stop some of the old-brain behaviour and reactions.

I ran the most beautiful race, Bay to Bay 30km, and it was hard and lovely. You woke up as I was leaving for the race and you were inconsolable – crying that you wanted me to stay. It’s never easy leaving you each morning, and when you’re crying for me when I go to work or a run, I often battle to resolve what’s “right” and “wrong”.

I figured you would calm easily with a distraction, and after I left, Ann managed to ease you and get you smiling again.

We have three more days where we need to fit in a Newport Deli meal, a visit to the aquarium, a boat ride, a wedding, getting you in a suit and walking down the aisle, and some more family shindigs.

Once again, it’s been wonderful spending time with you away.

xMom

Bay to Bay 30km

Bay to Bay 30km

Building Lego with Uncle Josh

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