And the moral of the story? Always have a change of clothing AND a nappy

October 9, 2012

Dear Max

Wherever I go with you, so too does Jean Kelly, the nappy bag.

 

It has nappies, Lego, wipes, sunblock and snacks for you. Heck, it even haas enough nappies, Lego, wipes, sunblock and snacks for a group of five toddlers.

I feel a little insecure without it – what happens if you get bored? What happens if you’re hungry? What happens if you have a poop nappy and there is nothing to change you with (like what happened a few weeks ago at Shabbat dinner).

But not insecure enough to bring it with us to Hyde Park shopping centre on Saturday. It’s a pretty posh centre with upmarket shops, and after filling my prescription at Clicks, you and I went to Life for lunch.

And this is how the script read, while you were in your pram, and while I was eating lunch:

(Cue dripping sound. Mom looks around, and sees liquid coming out of nappy, wetting pram, son and clothing).

Max (in pained, frustrated tone): I’m wet

Mom: Okay Max, no worries. Mom will be a few minutes more. I just need to finish lunch and pay for it, and then we’ll go home to get changed.

Max (in whiney voice): I wanna take my nappy off. I wanna take my pants off.

(Max starts taking his pants and nappy off, while mom watches nervously)

Mom: Um, Max, don’t do that. Let’s wait a bit.

(Max strips off pants and nappy).

Mom (in panicked voice): Max, can you wait here? Promise? I’m going to Clicks to get some nappies. Promise me you’ll stay here. I can’t take you there naked.

Max nods. Moms goes to kind-looking mom sitting at table next door and asks her to watch her child, and to protect him from getting abducted. Mom looks around for waiter to assure him that she’s not ducking, and to ask not to clear her R70 salad just yet. She doesn’t find him, but realising that absorbent cotton is a priority, dashes to Clicks.

Mom carries on dash to nappy section, picks a packet, then runs to queue, only to find nine people ahead of her. And two tellers. She taps her foot, fears for her naked child, and tears open the packet of nappies and grabs one. She then asks the man behind her to keep her space, and promises on her son’s life she’ll be back to pay for the nappies.

Mom rushes to Max, and plants nappy on him, in three seconds. She asks Max to wait again, asks the mom to watch him, and flags down a waiter and assures him she’ll be back to pay. Mom sprints back to Clicks, is happily surprised that her open pack of nappies is in front of the queue, and promptly pays for them.

Mom returns to Max, who is happily playing with his new helicopter, under the supervision of the waiter. Mom finishes her salad, pays the bill, and pushes a wet pram while pulling Max, dressed only in a nappy.

They head to the expensive kids’ clothing store because Pick n Pay is just too far to take the walk of shame, and to continue with the push-pull.

Mom to store saleswoman: “How much are your cheapest pair of pants?”

Saleswoman: R199.

Mom (gulping): I’ll take them

Mom tries to put pants on Max, but needs to change his nappy again because he’s been playing in his wet pram during the time of purchase. Mom takes off the nappy in the store, Max runs around naked a bit, then Mom slaps on nappy and new pants in six seconds.

Mom and Max exit, with Mom making mental note to never ever leave Jean Kelly behind.

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6 Comments

  • Yashmitha Padayachee

    HAHAHA, love it!!!! not sure about where you are, but the TOYS R US and REGGIES stores in DBN sell, 5 packs of huggies and pampers all sizes, saved me a number of times when shopping in Pavilion shopping mall 🙂

    October 9, 2012 at 8:51 am Reply
  • Sue Stuart

    Oh I can just picture it! So sorry for laughing at your wonderful description. I’ve taken to leaving said nappy bag in the car, just in case we get caught out!

    October 9, 2012 at 10:32 am Reply
  • Denita

    sorry to laugh, but that is just hilarious. reminds me of when i was on maternity leave with my daughter … I sat down at a swanky coffee shop in Bedford to feed her. She decided to have the messiest poo EVER (While on my lap)!it came through her nappy, clothes and blanket, and onto my jeans. I was mortified. I had a change of clothes for her, but, um, not for me. Let’s just say that was the speediest exit I had ever made!

    October 9, 2012 at 10:53 am Reply
  • Karen at MomAgain@40

    Definitely one of the worst I have heard! You handled it like a pro! 😉

    October 9, 2012 at 12:46 pm Reply
  • Cat@jugglingactoflife

    I think we have all had that lesson at some stage or another

    October 9, 2012 at 1:27 pm Reply
  • MeeA

    Waahahaha!
    We had a similar situation on a flight from Dubai to South Africa when Megan was around 3. I had packed a whole stack of nappies but travelling with 2 toddlers who’re trapped on a plane for 10 hours and bored silly meant they demanded lots and lots to drink. Megan went through all 3 sets of clean clothes I’d packed for her as well as all the nappies we had. I had to carry her off the plane naked and wrapped in an Emirates blanket, which the cabin crew had kindly let me keep since we’d come to SA in the middle of winter…

    October 10, 2012 at 3:15 pm Reply
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