School ties

February 9, 2011

Dear Max

Today I went to a place with lots of toys, puzzles, scooters, jungle gyms and books. It has rooms, lockers and bright paintings, and holds so much opportunity for you, yet at the same time a little bit of heartbreak for me.

I was at your to-be-playschool, which I hope you’ll love, because I’m making one of “those decisions” that come with so many inner debates. I think you’re ready for more development and interaction (and Marie biscuits and peanut butter sandwiches), and I think you’ll be pretty cool and happy there. Thing is, you’re cool and happy at home too, and even though I work, home is still a known to me, where I can control things more than I can Out There. I fear the kids who might push you, or the toy you want to play with might not be available, and that makes me sad, but I realise it’s pointless trying to expect and want that I could protect you from all of life’s woes.

I feel you are ready to go – you’re more active and curious, but this change means, well, change, and sometimes that’s hard to get my head around. It also means you’re onto that next phase in life, which is both thrilling and terrifying. I know your “family” at home will miss you for those few hours each day, and you got a whole lot of love here, believe me, even in the form of sloppy Rottweiler kisses.

But as much as I’m scared, I’m a little excited too. I can’t wait to pack your bag, to fill up your locker, and to relish and save every single artwork you produce. There’ll be parties, there’ll be pals, there’ll be picnics, and there’ll probably be a bit of pushing and pinching now and again, but it will be fine. I think. I know.

I hope, as always, that I have the right footing as I stumble along the parenting thing. But instead of lamenting and overthinking, I’m going to do what every good mom does – find the coolest school bag to hang in your locker.

xxxMom

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6 Comments

  • NickiD

    I have no doubt that:

    (a) Max will have THE coolest backpack in town;
    (b) Max will be one of those kids who just LOVES “school”; and
    (c) You are going to do the ‘ugly cry’ when you drop him off for the first time.

    Sorry … but it’s true. I’ll stand by with a glass of Chardonnay for you if need be. And some Patron. And chocolate. And carbs. Lots and lots of tasty carbs.

    xxx

    February 9, 2011 at 8:14 am Reply
  • Invivo

    Big steps in little shoes.

    Welcome to next rite of passage.

    Sending you some magical virtual Hello Kitty potion to soothe the mommy heart pangs. My heart aches just thinking about it. We all want them to grow up, but not so fast!

    Good luck! Sure he’ll be fine. Think. Ha! Know.

    February 9, 2011 at 8:18 am Reply
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    February 9, 2011 at 8:28 am Reply
  • Sharon

    This post unleashed a rush of anxiety in me! While we are not there yet, this is a post I’ll be making towards the end of this year and it makes me VERY nervous at the prospects and excited at the opportunities for Ava!

    Motherhood is so not for sissies!

    February 9, 2011 at 10:38 am Reply
  • samcy

    Cool book bags are a MUST 🙂

    Enjoy this next step in your parenthood journey.

    xxx

    February 9, 2011 at 2:09 pm Reply
  • Samantha Choles

    You capture the emotion so well. My boy has been at school for a month now. I’ve noticed the change in him – he’s blossomed.

    I drop him off clean. I fetch him dirty. I know he’s had a ball.

    It breaks my heart that I can’t have a video feed at the school so I can see him being him without me.

    February 11, 2011 at 11:27 am Reply
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