Better than “best”

January 21, 2011

Dear Max

Many people subscribe to the notion that as parents, we do the best we can with what we have at the time. While on one hand that notion has somewhat helped me to find some forgiveness and understanding of my parents and reach a better space, on the other hand I sometimes don’t buy it.

I don’t ever want to be that type of mother who says: “I’m doing my best, this is as good as I good”. I’d like to think rather that I’m doing a good-enough job, and that I could always get better – more patient, more interactive and more hardworking at it (like not giving you Flings and fruit for supper most nights because I know it’s just going to be easier like this).

I don’t want to explain my shitty mommy behaviour as “I was just doing my best” because that doesn’t really help me or things get better. I’d rather take responsibility, say I messed up or that I did an adequate job, come to peace with it, move on and improve. It frustrated and angered me when my mom sometimes couldn’t meet my needs, and her line would be, “I’m doing the best I can”, as if that was the wand that would make me see clearly and make all my requirements vanish.

Intellectually I know that we’re doing our best, but for us Max, I’m going to try the different approach – that I’ll strive to do better, all the time. That I could be doing better, and that I hope to reach there. Not perfect, but always trying and improving. I hope it’s good enough. It’s every mom’s wish that she does “enough” for her kids. But if it’s not, I hope we can work it out, so that you don’t become sad/mad/troubled as a result (a bit like I was at times, in my youth 🙂 )

One thing I know i am “perfect” at is loving you. That is what I do best – no ifs, buts or maybes.

Love Mom

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5 Comments

  • ExMi

    loved this!

    January 21, 2011 at 9:56 am Reply
  • Sharon

    I loved the last line, may have to steal it!
    “One thing I know i am “perfect” at is loving you. That is what I do best – no ifs, buts or maybes.”

    January 21, 2011 at 12:30 pm Reply
  • Sue Stuart

    Hi Tan, this is the first time I’ve read your blog, and oh my word how cute is Max! He is just gorgeous :). Love, SuzyS

    January 21, 2011 at 3:05 pm Reply
  • Colleen

    i did the same when I had one child, now that I have 3 the best that I can do just has to be enough – because it really is the best that I can do while still keeping a bit of myself for me.

    January 21, 2011 at 6:38 pm Reply
  • MomAgain@40

    I like it! Being the best Mom you can be! That is something to strive for…
    Next time we do it a little bit better and better!

    January 23, 2011 at 10:04 pm Reply
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